Bethel’s song, “Faithful to the End,” makes me cry tears of joy when I listen to it. I remember singing it in church back in August without concentrating on the lyrics. It became just another of many worship songs I sang,unfortunately, because my heart wasn’t in a healthy place at that time.

What changed? I finally realized how faithful God’s been to me. I hate to admit I was a complainer before––I hated how I couldn’t eat anything and was always in pain. I hated dealing with my anxiety disorder and depression. I was jealous of all my friends who didn’t have to deal with physical and emotional health problems. I didn’t think I did anything to “deserve” what I went through at the time. It felt like God had abandoned me, in a way.

My mistakes began with these thoughts.  God didn’t punish me––rather, I asked for a challenge and He answered my request.  Furthermore, He was with me through it all. Yes, I faced pain and other struggles, but I always got through them thanks to Him. Better yet, I’m still alive when I should have been hospitalized in March after I dropped to 23 pounds below the baseline for what my doctor considers a healthy weight (115-125 pounds).  Furthermore, my friends have their own struggles. Everyone deals with something, we just don’t always see that something because we’re so good at covering everything up.  It’s a great thing to remember next time you think someone has it all together.

Take a minute and read through these lyrics:

“Faithful To The End”– Bethel Music

We’re heaven-spun creations
His pride and adoration
Treasures woven by his love

His careful hands they hold us
Safe within His promise
Of calling and of destiny

I will sing of all You’ve done
I’ll remember how far You carried me
From beginning until the end
You are faithful, faithful to the end

A Father’s heart that’s for me
A never ending story
Of love that’s always chasing me

His kindness overwhelming
And hope for me unending
He’s never given up on me

I will sing of all You’ve done
I’ll remember how far You carried me
From beginning until the end
You are faithful, faithful to the end

There wasn’t a day
That You weren’t by my side
There wasn’t a day
That You let me fall
All of my life
Your love has been true
All of my life
I will worship You

Here’s what God showed me after I listened to this song again a couple weeks ago:

 

  1. God treasures each person He created, even if they think they’re worthless. God sees the beauty in each individual. 

My autoimmune illness gave me gray hair and I became a bit upset over it. I also felt a bit worthless since I couldn’t do a lot of things I used to, but God reminded me that He’s proud that I at least try to do the things I can.

2. I can find refuge in God and He protects me.  He has a unique plan for my life and won’t let the darkness in this world oppose that calling.

I wondered for a while why this amount of suffering became part of God’s plan for me. After reading through the stories of Jonah, Joseph, Daniel, and Job in the Bible, God showed me that some of the most righteous and blessed people also lived with the most hardships. Food for thought. There truly isn’t a day where He’s not by our side.

3.  He always has been and always will be faithful.

A lot of people criticize the “God of the Old Testament” and say He’s harsh and judgmental. When I read it, however, I realize that He’s always been faithful to his people and any judgement occurred because of their unfaithfulness to him.  God’s our biggest cheerleader and He’s always rooting for us when we fail and fall flat on our face.

4. You can’t escape God’s love

Deny it all you want, but God’s grace washes over us and He won’t stop loving us, despite sins we consider unforgivable or our negative self-talk.

5. We should continually worship God

I sometimes feel guilty because I proceed with my busy life and don’t take the time some days to even pray.  The Bible calls us to a continual life of worship and we should rejoice in all God has done for us.  He’s certainly done a lot of things I’m thankful for.

Overall, Bethel’s song helped me see that God has carried me so far this year. I’m at 112 pounds right now and only need to gain three more to reach the bottom of the healthy weight range my doctor recommends. I’m now eating three solid meals a day, which I haven’t done in a year and a half. I’m swimming five days a week, lifting weights twice a week, and running once a week, even though I gave up any kind of workout for four months because I lost too much weight. I feel more physically and emotionally healthy than I have in the last year. I can usually concentrate on things now and started enjoying the things I love again, such as playing guitar or painting. I only nap about a half hour twice a week now instead of two hours every day, and I also sleep better at night. I no longer have to see a GI doctor or cardiologist. I’ve gone through cognitive behavioral therapy and understand how to manage my anxiety. I stayed in school for the entire academic year, even though I almost took a medical withdrawal this past semester. I no longer suffer from GERD and have minimal acid reflux.  My friends and family have provided incredible support. I’m recovering from it all in Sandpoint, a beautiful place in the Idaho Panhandle.

God’s placed hand over my life. It’s time I thanked him for all the incredible things He’s done.

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